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To the one who is afraid to heal…

You know, our ego does this strange thing. It tries to build an identity around our traumas. It wears scars as badges of honor and flaunts them in front of carefree smiles. We define our worth from the tears we shed each day. Pain validates us, we go around collecting it just like a kid with a newfound interest in collecting pebbles. Except, for us, the jar never fills. Our heart is like a deep well where we keep throwing stones just to check if it has run out of water yet. Sadly, it never does. No matter how many years we spend trying to empty it out, each thrown stone makes it weep a little.

Such identities are scary though. Not only because they are too fragile when built on loamy grounds but also because they are afraid of losing themselves in the web of their own lies. Lies about how our beloved trauma is our ultimate story, about how what was once broken can never be healed, about how the grudge we pamper each day is the lesson our trauma left us, and also about how letting go is a crime against our heart.

But the question is, do you really want to spend the rest of your life hurting yourself like that? Isn’t it an act of self-harm to be clinging to pain longer than how much we can endure?

Don’t get me wrong! I am not asking you to stop feeling what you feel. Rather, I am asking you to drown deep into your emotions once and for all.

Reach for the deepest parts of your heart. Take hold of every string that connects you back to your pain. Hold it with love, kiss its broken ends, knit it back where necessary, and break it off where not; do that and a lot more but once and for all.

I know stories of pain are strangely celebrated. Scars are decorations in our strange strange world, but you don’t have to follow suit.

I don’t want you to live a life full of agony. I don’t want your trauma to define you. Instead, I want your smile to be your sigil in this world of royal battle flags; I want your smile to shine not only because it speaks of a prettier story, but also because it celebrates the spirit with which you overcame everything that fell your way.

Yes, life is a war and you are a warrior, but even the most ruthless of fighters are allowed to return home once in a while.

Then, why do you feel the need to build your home on the battlefield of a war long dead?

– Gauri Walecha


4 Replies to “To the one who is afraid to heal…”

  1. Eish! As we say in the far South Africa.
    I thought this week that I am addicted to answering questions. It is as if I am still in therapy and trying not to be misperceived, over qualifying every response that pops out. I am sick of it. You have prompted me to consider how to not answer questions without feeling wrong or as if I am hiding the truth about me. I write this to be useful, perhaps, to you or someone, and to remind myself that I am not obligated to explain.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I did not know what it was like to run from hurt and anger until this year. My mind has a funny way of signaling to me there is something unresolved. It takes courage to the state the pain in the face, and this year there is so much of it all around me, but it is relieving to acknowledge it, to stop pretending it isn’t there weighing us down. And just like that, we are already on our forward.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Wow! It is such a wonderful post ❤

    You have given words to a topic about feelings that individuals hold on to over years and destroy their relationships with people around them. I reached the stage after a year of counselling. Comparing my current situation and constantly comparing to the past. After a while, the past has to be left in the past.

    I was searching for answers. It was sitting in my cupboard in the form of a book. Continuing to read the book, from where I left off, I found my answers in the chapters I started to read.

    It felt as if the pages in the Dale Carnegie book were waiting to be read by me!

    Liked by 3 people

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