There is power in you!

New on my Instagram blog:- “It is easier to lose track of honesty. Standing in the middle of a noisy room, screams echoing, lies lingering above the heads of lousy strangers; eyes meet, but for whatever brief moment they do, they only find excuses to break away. Such rooms are no less than mazes. They are no less than black holes where justice is served in each corner.Click here to read more.

There is power in victory; there is power in defeat. There is power in the chaos; there is power in numbing silence. Power is where your attention is.

What catches your eye has the power to pull you, to push you, to change you, and mislead you. What catches your eye has the power to mold you as it pleases.

Afraid? So what do you do now? Walk through life with blinds up your vision? Or, do you let your mind reach places before your eyes do? That is what a daydreamer does!

Daydreamers weave illusions out of thin air. A few of the diligent ones marry those illusions with the reality. When they do so, we tend to call them wizards for the lack of a better term- I prefer to call them wise.

There is power in knowing that there is power in you- there is greatness in using that power to uplift the bullied; there is power in knowing that this enchanting power can blind you against your purpose- there is royalty in standing your ground against that enchantment.

Regardless of your knowledge of it, and regardless of how you use it- there is power in you! Do you have what it takes to hone it?

– Written by Gauri Walecha

Dark Side of the Moon

When I walk, I walk alone;

The tenders of my feet caress these rough barren lands each night,
and from what I know
my tears, sometimes, water them;

I doubt if they are fond of me,
if they appreciate my presence,
or, if they can’t stand me, can they?

Do they despise watching me invade their previously unwavering abandonment?
Do loners ever grow admiration for their suitors?

When I walk, I walk until the edge of the light,
I transcend its boundaries
and reach the dark side of the moon;

I make friends with the ringing silences,
and find comrades in the blank black skies;
I find sparkles, tossed around the unconquered lands,
and use them to adorn my nakedness;

When I walk, I walk in purpose;
In the purpose of finding what is lost,
and losing what was never mine;

In the purpose of illuminating what’s hidden,
and then bringing it to the world,
for, the world deserves all the knowledge it has been denied;

I walk to bring the wanderers back home,
and to send the caged away on their own journeys;

When I walk, I walk to serve,
and not just to savor;
I walk to ignite evolution,
and to bring down the old walls that stood guard;
For, I can see what lies beyond them,
for, I know that the world has to see it;

They are being denied their own freedom…

Shadows

What is hiding in the shadows?
Who is this demon? How have I not crossed paths with it yet?

I have been lurking around in this darkness since the dawn of this moonless night.
Who is this ghoul that managed to save itself from my quest? Has my search been hasty? Have I missed some corners?

I met a monk yesterday evening;
I met a monk on my way back home, as I returned from another day of running behind lost causes;

He told me I was naive;
that I didn’t know who I was,
that I didn’t know what I was made of,
that I haven’t found my light yet because I never embraced my darkness.

I paid heed to what he said;
I paid heed and began my pilgrimage in the wake of this moonless night.

I went through alleyways lined with the momoirs of my past;
some pulled me into a deep embrace,
others hissed back.

I traveled past the relics that commemorated my wins,
and past the broken records that were stuck- stuck at the songs of some bitter defeats.

I ran through the corridors,
walked through several old rusty doors.
crawled across floors,
searched rooms-
desperate to find the key.

The key to my heart;
the key that would take to my light, my love.

All of this seems like a trap now!

Each time I feel like I am done, another fragment of my darkness falls in front of me;
I have been picking up battles I never intended to.

These shadows don’t seem to end;
do they ever?

To the one who is afraid to heal…

You know, our ego does this strange thing. It tries to build an identity around our traumas. It wears scars as badges of honor and flaunts them in front of carefree smiles. We define our worth from the tears we shed each day. Pain validates us, we go around collecting it just like a kid with a newfound interest in collecting pebbles. Except, for us, the jar never fills. Our heart is like a deep well where we keep throwing stones just to check if it has run out of water yet. Sadly, it never does. No matter how many years we spend trying to empty it out, each thrown stone makes it weep a little.

Such identities are scary though. Not only because they are too fragile when built on loamy grounds but also because they are afraid of losing themselves in the web of their own lies. Lies about how our beloved trauma is our ultimate story, about how what was once broken can never be healed, about how the grudge we pamper each day is the lesson our trauma left us, and also about how letting go is a crime against our heart.

But the question is, do you really want to spend the rest of your life hurting yourself like that? Isn’t it an act of self-harm to be clinging to pain longer than how much we can endure?

Don’t get me wrong! I am not asking you to stop feeling what you feel. Rather, I am asking you to drown deep into your emotions once and for all.

Reach for the deepest parts of your heart. Take hold of every string that connects you back to your pain. Hold it with love, kiss its broken ends, knit it back where necessary, and break it off where not; do that and a lot more but once and for all.

I know stories of pain are strangely celebrated. Scars are decorations in our strange strange world, but you don’t have to follow suit.

I don’t want you to live a life full of agony. I don’t want your trauma to define you. Instead, I want your smile to be your sigil in this world of royal battle flags; I want your smile to shine not only because it speaks of a prettier story, but also because it celebrates the spirit with which you overcame everything that fell your way.

Yes, life is a war and you are a warrior, but even the most ruthless of fighters are allowed to return home once in a while.

Then, why do you feel the need to build your home on the battlefield of a war long dead?

– Gauri Walecha

Sometimes I wonder…

Sometimes I wonder if the leaves have stopped rustling with you not being around. Did you take the wind away or is it just the silence you left behind? Flowers have wilted down, and those standing have lost their charm. Did you crush them under your spiteful steps or is it just the love you took away?

When people pass away, they inherit their life down to those who stood the closest to them. You chose to abandon, and my life has since been a staircase spiraling down to the hollows; an unending funeral in my heart since your feelings died. Is it the void that they bequeath me of?

Sometimes I wonder if the music has lost all its melody since you chose to take that step away. Have my ears deafened down, or are they just not brave enough to hear any lies anymore? I wonder if it is about the lies or just the ones that you spoke.

Sometimes I wonder if it was just the more of you or less of me, or simply not enough of everything- that made you- that made me- lose the fight?

– Gauri Walecha

Lifeless….

I was lying there. Still. Lifeless. Numb….yet breathing.

With a body, curled up…. curled up like a fetus, waiting for light to dawn upon her untouched body.

But….with a body, cold…. cold as a dead and stale corpse, waiting for the ferocious hungry beasts to take away what death left behind.

With eyes, wide and open…. wide and open as they tried to make sense of the warm whispers in my ear, prophesying a life longer than I would want.

With a brow, frowned…. frowned to greet the thought of filling my lungs with the poisoned air…. poisoned with crippling regrets.

I was tired. Exhausted.

My eyelids felt heavy, like they weighed pounds. So, I allowed them to fall and shut the world away…. for…. I wanted to explore my world, the realm within.

But alas, torment doomed over my joy.

I found myself standing in a cage of glass, a cage that I built for myself over these years of agony….

Within no time, I was out of breath.

I was helpless, running my hands over the four glass walls.

I would have cried for help…. but the dark is cursed to be deaf.

I would have broken the glass…. but I crafted it to be unparalleled.

My lungs ached, I was choking….my body lost its power and my heart lost its hope. I surrendered to the fate that I chose for myself.

I was lying there. Still. Lifeless. Numb….yet breathing…. for…. I learnt to breathe in, on my emptiness.

– Gauri Walecha

That fire…

When I walked through….

Fallacy…

The heat of these dancing flames… it feels like a taunt at my crimson wounds.

The sly scarlet mocks my fears…as I stand here, in front of this great wall of fire.

These flames…they rejoice their might, they celebrate their terror.

They laugh when they prosecute the innocent, they frown when the kids smile.

They take pride in their eternal reign…for…this fire has been burning since the first child cried for hunger…
For….this fire will burn….till the last man begs the heavens for death.

A trail of sweat trickled down my quivering spine. I misunderstood, believed it to be the silent cry of my dying soul.

But, rather…it was the elegant hail, yelled out by my enslaved ego. A song of praise for the devouring power.

My friend…. don’t fall for the trickery of her highness.

She’s not here to pull you into a warm hug when the cold world haunts you. No….!!

“Humanity is a virtue”, they say…

But… she is the fire of greed.

You are either as cruel as her….

You are either a slave to her….

Or….you are nothing at all….

– Gauri Walecha

When I walked through….(Chapter-10)

Click here to read chapter-1.

Stella stood in front of the door; her hand was resting on the doorknob and her eyes were closed…not to hide the gloom that ruled her heart for the past seven years…but to feel the warmth of the sun that had just dawned on the sky of her life.

“Are you sure?” asked Alex as Stella signed the cheque.

“I don’t think that I have any reason to not be sure!”

“But, didn’t you save this money to start your own company?”

“I did! But, when I was saving this money, I was wasting my life like a wreck, ignoring my happiness, my family’s happiness. In the last seven years of my life, I have tried to live a fool’s dream! I was trying to barter smiles for applause; I was trying to give away the beautiful life that I already had to buy a much cheaper and a fabricated world, a world of mirages, it does not even let you see its voids before you become as hollow as this world! If giving away this money brings back those smiles on my parents’ face, then I don’t think that anything or any reason is valid enough to stop me from repaying this debt!”

A wide smile graced Stella’s lips as she relived that moment! She was proud…proud of her decision…she was proud of the fact that now, she knew what she really wants from her life.

That moment, that serene moment…as she stood in front of the door of her room, was the happiest moment of her life.  Nothing beats the beauty that lies in the strength needed to rebuild the fortress of your life.

She took a deep breath to feel the happiness that surrounded her and pushed the door open. She, then, slowly opened her eyes as she stepped inside her room. She witnessed every memory coming back to life, greeting her on her arrival. The woody scent that filled the air soothed Stella’s senses. She wanted to freeze that moment, then and there.

She felt like a traveler, who just returned from a long journey; she just came back to a home that she left behind in her endeavors; a home, that she once despised for its comfort and beauty, for the fact that it lacked adventure! That adventure, which was offered by the rugged roads that waited for her, outside the four walls! She left this home for them…but today, she could fight the world to call this home her own!

“Help me!”

Stella turned around to find John struggling with the luggage.

“Oh! I am sorry! I forgot that you were getting the luggage out of the car!”

Stella helped John and kept the bags on the table beside the bed. Tired from carrying the suitcases all by him, john threw himself onto the sofa. Meanwhile, Stella got busy unpacking her suitcase. To make someplace for the clothes, Stella decided to examine the closet. A huge blow of dust came on her face as she opened the closet door. She started coughing.

“Oh God! This place has to be cleaned!” she managed to utter those words while she still coughed badly.

“No need! The lawyer has completed all the paperwork. Just sign on the dotted and we will be free!” John played with his fingers as he said that, trying to avoid making eye contact with Stella. He suspected that after meeting her parents, meeting Alex and listening to their story, she might have changed her mind. His fear found a very firm ground in his head when he got to know about her decision to repay the debt using her life savings.

Stella gave out a deep sigh. “I am not selling the house!”

From her tone, she sounded uninterested to voice any further arguments in this regard. She expected her boyfriend of five years, and now his fiancé, to take that affirmation as obvious. She wanted his heart to answer that question before his mind would have even decided to give birth to it!

The fact that it was still unanswered, felt like a sword through Stella’s soul. The fact that john still expected her to sell the house was a red-flag for her, and definitely not the first one! She came across a similar red-flag when she saw a change in John’s expressions on hearing her decision to pay back the debt!

She knew that John was not on the same page as her…but this time, she was determined to not move even a single page to please him!

“I knew it!” John’s lips twisted in anger, his brow frowned in frustration. “I knew that you were an emotional fool! Oh God! How stupid am I? How did I even expect practicality from a person like you?” John was blazing with anger. He jumped up from the couch and started pacing back and forth as he attacked Stella with those words.

But Stella…her armor was strong; it was made with her deep emotions. An armor made of reasoning can be broken with an arrow of a strong argument, but an armor made of emotions is unparalleled!

“You can call me whatever you wish to! I am not selling this house!” Stella’ eyes oozed out the firmness of her decision.

John felt helpless! He kicked the side-table as he exited the room. The vase on the top of it fell down and broke into a thousand pieces. This time, those pieces were not a metaphor of her broken heart… but they represented the fall of that hollow and vulnerable Stella, whose part she played for the last seven years.

A tear left her eye to pay the due condolences to that Stella, and then she resumed her work as she gulped the rest of her feelings!

“Pass me that blue color!”

”Yes, Sir!” Stella exclaimed as she passed the tube of color to her dad; she went, stood beside his canvas and started looking at his face!

“What are you looking at?”

“The fact that I yearned to see for so many years!”

“Well! My face has wrinkled a lot since then!’

“Makes you look cuter!” Stella pulled her father’s cheek as she said that.

David took some blue paint and stroked it on Stella’s nose.

“Dad!’ He smiled and giggled.

“Don’t you trouble my daughter!” Emma entered the room with four glasses of juice. She kept them on the table and handed over a glass to Alex.

Stella noticed his plaster, “Hey! How is that so white? Why haven’t I drawn on it already?”

Stella picked up a marker and started drawing on the plaster in his hand. Emma took Stella’s place and started watching David paint with keen interest, her hand resting on his shoulder. They both looked at each other and smiled every now and then.

Looking at these smiles filled Stella’s heart with joy!
“They look so happy!”

“Yes! I can die for those smiles!”

“What about you? Are you happy Stella?”

“Yeah! Of-course! I am very happy! I am still pursuing my dream job and helping my father with his art gallery at the same time! I can’t even explain how much joy that brings to my heart! I won’t lie! Traveling every weekend is a little exhausting, but it is totally worth it!” Stella said that with the widest smile on her face!

“Do you have any idea about how beautiful you look when you smile? Start smiling more often, Stupid!” Alex said that as he pinched her nose.

Stella giggled and continued her drawing.

The wounds of her past were still red. She was still not over John…but her heart was not dead and barren now. Her heart was waiting for love to blossom!

She knew that Alex liked her…she liked him too!

But…she was not ready, her heart was not ready to risk a beautiful relationship, to exhaust its purity, force it to fill the wounds of her heart. She knew that she had to heal herself first, fall in love with herself again…and then allow love to cover her scars!

She smiled as she told that to herself!

THE END!

When I walked through….(Chapter-9)

Click here to read chapter-10.

Alex slowly opened his eyes as he woke up from a long night’s sleep. His head was slightly hurting and he felt a little dizzy because of the influence of all the medicines. It took a while before he completely gained his consciousness. He looked around in hopes of finding Stella in his room, but she wasn’t there.

“Must have gone back to take rest!”

He said to himself as he smiled. Someone knocked on his door.

“Come in!”

A tall man, probably in his late twenties, entered the room.

“Yes?” A sudden fear struck Alex as he saw him.

“Hi! Alex! I am John, Stella’s boyfriend!”

Alex’s frown eased as he heard that and a small, welcoming smile took its place.

“Oh! Hi! Nice to meet you! I am sorry….”

“No! Don’t be sorry! I can totally understand! After that fight, you must have been very scared of every other stranger!”

“Yeah!” Alex smiled and nodded in agreement…then an awkward silence took abode in the room. Alex started playing with his fingers, giving away his restlessness. John sensed that.

To lighten the air and start a conversation, he asked, “Would you mind if I take that chair and sit beside your bed?”

“No! Please make yourself comfortable!”

“Thanks!”

He helped himself with the chair and sat beside Alex. There was an unforeseen change in Alex’s expression. A thought dawned over him, “If John is in the town then Stella might have gone to complete the formalities to sell the house.” Alex panicked for a second but then he took a long deep breath and came back to his senses.

“Hey, John! I am feeling a little uneasy; will you please call the nurse for me?”

“Yeah! Sure!”

John left the room to find the nurse. Meanwhile, Alex got up from his bed and reached for the phone in his room taking support from tables and chairs as they came in his way. Tripping over a few times, Alex finally managed to reach the phone, he picked up the receiver and dialed Stella’s number.

“The number you have dialed is either switched off or not reachable at the moment….”

Alex slammed the receiver on the table. “NO! NO! NO! Alex you can’t let this happen! I need to do something.”

Alex walked towards the door to inspect any signs of John coming back. He was nowhere around. Alex made his way out of the room into the corridor and started to walk towards the exit of the hospital.

“Alex!”

John called from behind. Alex stopped dead at his spot. John ran towards him and put his arm around the shoulder to support him.  “What happened? You should go and take rest!”

With a snap, Alex pulled back his arm. The force knocked Alex off his feet and he fell down.

“Alex!”

John quickly kneeled down to pick him up. “Alex, stop behaving like a kid! Tell me, where do you want to go? I will take you there!”

“John! Take me to Stella! Quick! We don’t have much time!”

“She has gone back to take rest! What’s so urgent?”

“Have you both sold the house already?”

“NO! Some formalities are yet to be completed! Why?”

Alex eased down; he gave out a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. The fact that the house wasn’t sold yet was a big relief! But…But Alex needed to stop Stella before it was too late. “John! Don’t ask questions! Just take me to Stella!”

The urgency in Alex’s voice prompted John to be quick on his feet. He quickly took Alex to the car, helped him in and drove off to the house. Within no time, they were at their destination.

John helped Alex get off the car and took him towards the front door, but before they could have gone any further, Alex held John back.

“Do you hear those voices?”
Alex peeked into the front yard and pulled himself back immediately, his hand covering his mouth to imprison the cry of long-wished joy. He couldn’t believe what he just saw. He couldn’t believe that Stella and her parents were together, sitting in the front yard of their house, looking like a family.

“Is that all related to the….”

“Art gallery!” Stella’s mom intervened and then continued, “When you went away, our life felt empty. Drought doomed over our happiness. Every day, every single moment that we spent breathing felt like a pilgrimage to seek you back….” Emma pushed back her tears, the tears begged for freedom, “The only thing that brightened your father’s day was his art… he spent night and day, working on his paintings. He missed the court proceedings, his client lost their cases, his reputation as a lawyer started fading away and eventually, new cases stopped coming in.”

Stella took her mother’s hands in her own as she fought with her own tears, “…eventually, our financial condition started declining, we came under debt, and everything…everything became so difficult. Your father started his own art gallery in hopes of being able to do something about the situation. He used the basement of the house to set up the gallery. By god’s grace, he was even able to secure good deals for his paintings but as soon as the lenders got to know about the hefty price that we were being paid for the paintings, they planned to smuggle them away and started trading on them. All those people who you came across in the past few days were the landlords and the money lenders. God bless Alex, he has been protecting us against them for years. We decided to not tell you about any of this so that you can be at peace in your world.”

“Then why did you transfer the house in my name? You could have sold it and paid back the debt!”

“A life drowned under debt is much more comfortable than a life spent yearning for the memories of our beloved daughter. We were in debt but selling this house would have rendered us poor.”

Alex and John didn’t even realize when they entered the yard while listening to the conversation.

Stella opened her mouth to say something but she ditched her words when she saw them.

“Alex! John!”

After getting to know about her parents’ feelings for the house, will Stella still be able to sell it? How will her calling affect her relationships? What new turn will her life take now? Find out in the upcoming chapters of “When I walked through…..”Follow the blog to receive an e-mail every time we release a new chapter.

 

 

When I walked through….(Chapter-8)

Click here to read chapter-9.

Stella gasped! She was terrified!

Standing in front of the window, pressing her hands against it, she could not believe that she was about to meet her parents. She could not believe that after whatever she did, her parents would still want to meet her!

It felt as if, at that moment Stella lost all her ability to think and act! She stood there like a statue-still, silent and almost lifeless!

Her parents rang the doorbell once again, Stella came back to her conscious with a sharp jolt! The window in front of her was now all fogged up because of the warmth of her breath, she wiped off the fog using one of her hands, revealing the shiny glass from behind, fairly reflecting back the image of her face! Stella could read the fear and remorse in her eyes, she could see that little girl screaming and wailing inside her…asking for help!

The suffocation in that prison of guilt was much more torturous than the suffocation of not being able to follow her dreams!

Her parents rang the bell two more times. It prompted her to shout back, “Coming!”Those words left her mouth, leaving behind tremors of fear.

NO….NO! Stella was not ready! She was not ready to face her parents. She clutched her hair above her head, her heartbeat peaked, and her face was flushed with pink!

She was still standing in front of the window, allowing panic to engulf her existence when she suddenly saw her mom. Her face had a faint smile with a wet trail starting from the corner of her eye honoring the tear that was just let out from her heart. Stella could sense an excitement on her face. She was holding David’s arm like Stella used to hold hers. David, her father was standing meekly at her mother’s side, his hand resting against the door, trying his best to not spill out his emotions.

“Stella!” he called out, his voice choking on tears. Stella quickly ran to the door and opened it. Seeing her parents, she froze.

“Stella!” her mom whispered to herself as she let out her treasured tears. She weakly walked towards Stella and hugged her.

The warmth and comfort in that hug changed something inside Stella’s heart. The glacier that was building up since the last seven years suddenly melted down. She burst into tears, wrapping her arms around her mom.

Her dad was standing there, being a silent spectator, admiring the beauty of the moment, holding back his own tears.

Stella looked at him, her face lightened up with a faint smile. The wounds of the past stood like a wall between them. For a moment, there was just silence. Her father smiled back at her but then left the doorway to go sit on the bench in the front yard.

Her mom turned around, just in the moment to see him walk out. She looked back at Stella, gave her a reassuring nod and then followed David into the yard.

He was sitting on the bench, cupping his face in his hands, his tears held hostage in his eyes. Stella’s mother went and sat on the bench near him, resting an arm on his shoulder.

“We talked about this, right?”

“I know! We did! But I don’t know what to say, what to do?” David replied as he rubbed his eyes to wipe any tears that might have escaped.

Meanwhile, Stella was standing in the doorway, holding the edge of the door, looking towards them. Stella’s mom motioned her to join them. She silently walked towards them, her hands clutched tight in a fist. She went to her dad and sat on the ground on her knees in front of him, with her hands gently resting on his knees.

Her dad seized to rub his face and looked towards her. The overwhelming emotions that he got to see in her eyes pinched his soul, they haunted him! He quickly turned his face away!

“I am sorry dad!” Stella tried to break the ice, her voice quivering with tears.

Her dad looked at her, his eyes all teared up.

“You read the letter?”

“Hmmm…!” Stella nodded and then added, “I could read only half of the letter. The other half was torn away in a brawl that Alex had with someone…”

“I know! I met Alex at the hospital!”

“How did you know that he will be at the hospital?”

David stared blankly at Stella. Emma, her mom, pressed his hand. He looked at her, unsure what to say next. She blinked her eyes in approval.

“Stella, I am sorry! I…I know that I was wrong seven years ago. I know that I have hurt you a lot….but trust me…I had no intention of forcing anything upon you…” David pressed his lips and gave out a sigh.

“Ummm…when you left us, I was broken and a little mad too…not because you ran away… but …because no matter how much I tried, I could not fathom the fact that it was me telling you to give up on your dreams. I could not fathom my behavior. I lived an entire life feeling unsatisfied and empty just because I could not get the opportunity to follow the dreams that I had… How could I have possibly been an obstacle in someone else’s path?” David paused for a moment, trying to read through Stella’s eyes. His heart yearned for the pain that he saw in them. With a heavy heart, he continued, “….So, after you went away, I started an art gallery. Every single day that I spent working on my paintings, I felt proud of you…I felt proud of the fact that my daughter has a heart brave enough to go against every force in the world to follow her dreams but…. I am guilty of still not being able to overcome my fear of losing you forever.

I am guilty that I still have not been able to come in terms with my insecurities. I am guilty that I still hope for you to come back home!

I hate myself for never being able to grow out of the eerie feeling that I felt when you told me that you want to leave the city to chase your dreams!

I hate myself for saying ‘No’ then and I hate myself even more for not being able to change my answer in all these years!”

Stella pulled David in a hug as they both cried their heart out. Emma rubbed Stella’s back as she cried.

“Dad, it wasn’t just your fault! I am as guilty as you are! I should have tried to understand your point of view, maybe waited a little longer before taking such a drastic step! Please don’t blame yourself!”

David broke out of the hug and kissed Stella on the forehead. She giggled like a little girl. There was a big smile on everybody’s face. “I love you Dad! I love you Mom!” she pulled both of them in a hug.

“I can’t reverse all the damage that has already been done. I just hope we can be a loving family once again!”

Stella smiled as she said that…then curiosity took the hold of her…

“Dad, do you know anything about….”

David read her mind, “Yes! All that you experienced in the house, the fight that Alex got into…I knew everything….in fact…”

“Is that all related to the….”

“Art Gallery!” her mom intervened!

How is the art gallery related to the strange events that took place? What turn is Stella’s life going to take now? Find out in the upcoming chapters of “When I walked through”. Follow the blog to receive an e-mail every time we release a new chapter.